{loving and living: grandpa jay}

My Grandpa Jay has recently suffered a severe stroke and it's not looking good for any recovery. As I sit here feeling *slightly* helpless as my parents head to Utah to be with him and my Dad's siblings, I've been reflecting on all my memories of him. Here is a compilation of my scattered thoughts.

**Grandpa Jay passed away Friday, March 19, 2010 in Salt Lake City, UT.**

I always thought he was indestructible. Grandpa Jay was fearsome - but lovable at the same time. I remember being very in awe of him as a child. He was fun. It was always just him, my grandma passed away when I was very little and I have no memories of her. There is hardly anything I can think of having done without remembering him along with it.

- The Billy Goat Trail -
I don't even know if that is what it's really called. Hiking along the Potomac River in Maryland. This is my most favorite hike ever. Mostly because of the memories associated with it. It was always hot. Muggy. I remember dunking ourselves in the water once because it was so hot. Luke (my family's dog from when I was little) always loved Grandpa Jay and Grandpa Jay loved Luke. He always had his cane - the old wood one with the deadly-looking pointy end! He was unstoppable on the Billy Goat Trail.

- Brewer Camp -
The Ogden river. COLD. He helped me take my first swim in Glasmann Hole. I was always so chicken - not much has changed :) My imagination always gets the better of me, and I was sure that if I swam in Glasmann Hole, something would grab me as I swam out of that dark abyss of water. Ridiculous, I know, but to this day, I still swim extra quick over the deep part. I can see him in my mind's eye, holding my hand to steady me on the slippery rocks as he brought me out with him. I'm pretty sure he gave me a little push when I almost chickened out at the last minute. I can hear his "OOOH!" as the icy water hit his body. I can see him moving rocks with his strong arms to make the rapids chute faster, build up the wall of the pool for us kids to play in, and make Glasmann Hole deeper. I loved that he always slept on the porch - he liked to hear the sound of the river. I loved listening to stories around the fire at night. I think that is one of the best things about being a child - I love hearing stories from the adults. It was so fun to hear Grandpa Jay tell stories about his youth and childhood and hear my Dad and Aunts and Uncles tell stories about their years growing up too - you can learn a lot around a campfire :)

- The Beach House -
Favorite. Place. Ever. I love everything about it. The lifeguard bathroom. The sauna (which is no more). Not that I liked the sauna, but I remember Grandpa Jay always sitting in it. How could he? It was horrible! The bunk beds. The front room that was always his. Riding his bike around Sussex Shores without hands, holding tennis balls with weights around his wrists, and raising and lowering his arms while he did his exercises. AMAZING. I can't ride a bike without hands. I almost crash if I just use one hand to steer. He would always swim in the ocean, up and down the beach for his exercise too. That is probably one of the biggest things I remember about him - he was an avid exerciser. I remember when he would come visit us, I would wake up to him at 5 or 6am walking around the house with his wrist weights and tennis balls, exercising. He was unstoppable.

- The Dreaded Knee Clamp -
What? You don't know what this is? Then you haven't met Grandpa Jay. The Dreaded Knee Clamp was to be feared. I can hear his growl in my head right now :) His sweet, arthritic hands were made for the Dreaded Knee Clamp. Grandkids (and great-grandkids) would squeal with delight when the Dreaded Knee Clamp was done!


Keegan with Grandpa Jay in Park City, UT at approx. 5 months
*I asked Keegan what he remembered about Grandpa Jay as well - this is what he said*
- Keegan's memories -
Great-Grandpa Jay liked to sword fight with me. I was his soldier when he was visiting Grandma and Grandpa in Oregon. He would sit in his chair and I would sit on the exercise bike next to him with my sword and shield to protect him. Grandpa tried to come up and fight me, but I blocked him and hit his sword out of his hand so that I could protect Great-Grandpa Jay. I liked to play soldiers with him.
I know that Great-Grandpa Jay really loved me. He was fun to be with when I was back at the beach house.


- Growing up -
Aside from the places that have so many memories of him for me, there were other things too. I know my love of boating/waterskiing is from him and my Dad. Yes, Dad, I love waterskiing. I know it was a rough time to get me to try it (I believe I was not allowed to get my license until I waterskied?) but I love it.
I remember once receiving probably the biggest compliment of my life ever from him. He told me I looked like Grandma Sharlene (his wife). It meant so much to me. She. Was. Gorgeous. She was all old-Hollywood glam. If I look the tiniest bit like her, it would be awesome.
I remember how grateful and special I felt when Grandpa Jay and all my aunts and uncles came to Oregon for my wedding, even though some of them weren't able to be in the temple with us. It meant so much to me that they all came, it was so amazing.
I know my desire to be generous comes from him - it was his generous example that taught me to be the same way. He helped everyone he could.
Some of my most favorite recent memories are of him with my boys. He isn't the same Grandpa I remember, age and Alzheimers have changed him in many ways. But I loved watching him play with Keegan at the beach house.




Seeing him hold Kayden at Brewer Camp, when Kayden was just a month old. I wish he could meet Kyler, but I suppose that will have to wait until he meets him in the eternities. I love Grandpa Jay so much. He is the grandparent I have the most memories of, and I will miss him terribly. He showed me so much of life and how to live it. He never let anything slow him down. I'll miss you Grandpa.

I love you.